In the time of COVID, we all need to choose kindness

Let’s not be people who will look back at our behaviours during this time and feel shame at the things we said and did to others

I have noticed quite a few dramatic new shows on Netflix about pandemics that push humanity to the brink of extinction.

I could not help but think how unreal these shows are, but then I stopped and thought maybe they are not so unrealistic given the world’s current situation with COVID-19.

The producers managed to capture the fear and horror that grips people right before the inevitable polarization that follows. People fighting to protect themselves and their loved ones, becoming suspicious of each other and fighting for scarce resources.

Some of the things they do to each other are shocking — things that start small, then get bigger and become normal. I should not be shocked, however, because I have seen similar things happen in the real world. Small and shocking at first, such as grown people yelling at workers in grocery stores, then unimaginable actions, such as five people, human beings, plowed down by a vehicle in a safe city in southern Ontario.

We are all suffering in one way or another. I saw a man, who looked to be in his mid 70s, standing at an intersection with a Tim Hortons cup asking for coins. My friends have told me how their grown children — with families — have come back home after losing jobs. And those images of elderly people in nursing homes, sitting in wheelchairs looking out their windows, haunt me.

I am usually a very positive person, but I have found myself struggling with depression in the last few months. Depression mixed with feeling shame and guilt that I dare feel depressed when there is so much suffering in the world. I have struggled with energy, and getting out of bed is a chore, never mind cleaning and cooking.

With the feelings of depression, I have felt moments of sheer panic and fear of the unknown and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a feeling that something is very wrong. I think about my family in Zimbabwe and if I will see them alive again but I put on a brave face because, as a single mother, my child is looking at me to be her anchor.

I know there are a lot of people who, like me, are suffering mentally from this prolonged pandemic and all that it comes with. People are tired, some have lost their jobs and, even worse, some are very ill or are waiting hopelessly at home while loved ones who are hospitalized are dying alone.

I think post-COVID there is going to be a lot of work that will need to be done around mental health for all of us. We have all been traumatized and will need to heal and recover.

In the meantime, in this moment, my hope is that we can try our hardest to be kind to one another and to ourselves. Kind in our words and in our actions.

At this point I know people are rolling their eyes, but my question is, regardless of the hardships, does anything other than kindness and taking care of each other change the state of the world we are living in? It does not!

I acknowledge and can absolutely relate with everyone on how tough it is, but I also know that we are not animals. We are capable of reasoning and we are capable of controlling ourselves. There will be life after COVID and I can assure you we will look back at our behaviours and feel shame at the things we have said and done to others.

This is a time where I feel tested as an adult, to exercise all the lessons I have tried to teach my daughter about using kind words, being kind to others and all the other things that are so easy to say but hard to do.

There is a difference between freedom of speech, standing up for ourselves and outright aggression and brutality toward others no matter how well we can articulate an excuse to justify ourselves.

I am not suggesting sunny positivity, which itself can become toxic because it denies the reality of how bad things may be. I am proposing more positive outlets for all that we are carrying right now.

Some suggestions include families or friends contributing a recipe to the creation of a recipe book, journalling, talking to people about our feelings, taking walks, tapping into our religious or spiritual beliefs, or even crying if we need to — there is no shame in a good therapeutic cry!

This too will pass! When? I do not know.

What I do know is I would like to look back and say I am an OK person and my actions and words toward others during the time of COVID did not wound someone in any way — someone who may already have been at their breaking point.

Choose kindness.